An Excerpt from The Dream Between Us

I just needed a break. After almost 20 years of working non-stop on creative efforts for brands a lot of people know and love, I was burning out. A series of unfortunate personal events and a severe lack of healthy coping mechanisms left me wrung out, negative, and uninspired. I was in a nightmare, and I was an emotional drain on the people around me – doing more harm than good.    

At 40-years-old, I wanted to run away. Because I thought all of it was the problem – not me. And you know what I found? The truth. That when left to myself, I didn’t like the person I was with. All the issues I thought other people, places, and things were causing in my life started with me – and I needed to fix them. To do that I needed to remember who I was.   

So, I unplugged myself and put down the devices I was so dependent on; learned how to meditate and deal with life on life’s terms; and rededicated my life to all the spiritual and personal creative pursuits I had set aside over the previous two decades.    

I started with a few minutes of meditation, drawing, and playing music each day. Before then, I couldn’t tell you the last time that creating something didn’t involve trying to make something that was commercially viable for someone else or driven by my ego.   

The first time I picked up an actual pen to draw (not my Apple pencil), it felt like a stranger in my hand. And being used to having grand plans and little follow-through, I had to quiet the voices in my head saying that I would never be good enough. So, I decided to date my drawing pen. We went out on a few note-taking excursions then graduated to nightly journaling, which had a bonus of making me comfortable writing again.  

Drawing random doodles turned into illustrating cards and letters to loved ones. Playing music again turned into writing music, and slowly, little-by-little practice removed my fear of performing in front of people. After a few weeks, I remembered that I originally started doing these things because they are fun – I had just forgotten that in the daily grind.    

Throughout this journey, my mindfulness practice has grown and become woven into all parts of my life and creative process. It grounds me, grants me perspective, humbles me, heals me, and gives me life. It fuels my creativity and tells me when to put my pen down to relax. It has brought a sense of balance to my life that was never there before.    

With the guidance of some great teachers, meditating a few minutes each day evolved into journeying. Journeying brought about a deeper understanding of who I am, where my spirit comes from, and what its purpose is. It has helped me understand that creativity is a form of healing that requires sharing with others. I now know my spirit and creativity are intertwined, and being creative is as necessary for my wellbeing as breathing.   

I’ve come a long way, yet this is just the beginning. Today, I am a printmaker and painter. I dabble in 3D and animation. I write and play music. I make incense and soap for my friends and family. I am starting this blog to share my journey and work with others. I try to walk in the light and spread positivity.   

I now live in a dream – a dream of my creation. I record that dream and others. Ultimately, I am trying to make the dream between us more beautiful for everyone.